Dragons With No Teeth

dragon slay cartoonSO I’m here to write about a miracle.

OK, not really a completely blow your mind miracle. Nobody turned water into wine. Or walked on water. But I did experience something pretty amazing. At least for me. And I expect even more amazing things in the future.

But first, some pertinent background info.

Part One. I have a little beef with Eve. OK, I have a LOT of Beef with Eve. You know… the one who ate the apple and condemned all mankind to a life mired with sin, pain and death.

(c) Paintings Collection; Supplied by The Public Catalogue Foundation

Yeah, that Eve.

Especially the part where God tells her “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children…”(Genesis 3:16) And it stands to reason that, by extension, the misery we women suffer each month when we are NOT pregnant is a direct result of that curse. The bloating, the gas, the brain fog, the backaches, the cramps… basically the feeling that every part of our lower abdominal is being wrung through a high power juicer. ‘Round about the same time every month, I blame Eve. She did the crime, now I do the time. If I hadn’t sworn off swearing, I’d have a word for people like her.

Part Two. I am a former drug addict. And by drug I mean the little 200mg pills that come out of over-the-counter bottles. At first I only needed one. But Ibuprofinafter a while, that was child’s play. I was popping two at a time. Then three. Then along came the horse pill. You know, the ones they give out in the Marine Corps like it’s candy. Vitamin “M” they call it, so it must be good for you… But after a while my “time of the month” became so unbearable that I was occasionally adding stronger, prescription pills to the mix out of desperation.

menstrual crampsTypically, I spend at least two or three days of every month lying in the fetal position, with heating pads, chamomile tea and maximally dosed on every OTC pain killer I can take without inadvertently killing myself.

Cursing that blasted Eve every moment of the day. 

Part Three. Then it happened. I was on vacation, visiting a friend in tropical Okinawa, when the curse of Eve hit me full force. I took every pill it was safe (and legal) to take. Nothing worked. NOTHING. 45 minutes after maximum dosage, I was sitting in her armchair, curled in a ball, taking deep breaths for the pain. I couldn’t stand up for the swelling. I. was. miserable.

So she offered me Dragon Time.

I thought sure, what do I have to lose. But I’m already drugged to the hilt and it’s not helping. SO what’s an oil gonna do? And it sure smells funny, to boot.

DragonTimeTen minutes later I was up on my feet, walking around, working in the kitchen, helping out with dinner. And it suddenly hit me. I feel GREAT! I totally forgot my “Dragon time” was at hand. And I know beyond the shadow of a doubt it wasn’t the pills that cured me. Pills may help, but they don’t make you feel GREAT!

A converted believer, I immediately purchased some Dragon Time and sweated bullets that it would ship to me in time for my next cycle.

dragon bwPart Four. The miracle. As with every miracle, this one required a step of faith. Today I was facing that Dragon again. And it was every bit as beady-eyed and foul-breathed as it ever was. But today I faced it drug-free. I lathered myself in DragonTime (diluted in coconut oil) every few hours and used PanAway on my lower back for muscle support. And I confess, I did lay in the fetal position a few times. And applied a warm rice pillow on and off as needed.

If you are looking for a story of complete, instantaneous, and supernatural recovery, this is the wrong blog post. I’ll be honest. Even with the oils, I still had some discomfort. And I didn’t enjoy it. Praise God, I didn’t have to go anywhere and could stay home in my pajamas all day. The miracle is simply that I DIDN’T NEED MEDICINE. And that’s a BIG DEAL for me.

dragon st george 2But I was resolved to TRY and go without meds. I could feel the Dragon rousing, pawing and searching for a victim days before the battle. To be honest, I didn’t think it was possible to tame this beast without a chem-lab sword. But I’m on a quest for HEALING through God’s natural medicine. The more pills I took, the less effectively they worked.

Athough I can’t honestly say I’ve slayed the beast (yet), with the power of essential oils, I certainly have minimized its fire, and perhaps even knocked out most of its teeth.

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